yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
