Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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