when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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