Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
