We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
