Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
