youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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