So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
