u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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