Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
