I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
