I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
worst night to have a conscience
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
