people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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