My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
