Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
