It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
