I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
