last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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