I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
