I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
