I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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