I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
