all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
