Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
