You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
