i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
