I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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