Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
