the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
