I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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