If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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