I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
3 2 1 whiskey
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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