I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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