I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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