Your tits are I can't wait for
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
