Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
