Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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