I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
