she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
