I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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