the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
