after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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