Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
