I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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