Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
