I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
