I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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