How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
