Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
