I'm so fucking centered right now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is Oprah even human
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
