either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
