remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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