do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
