There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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