I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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